


Betrayals

by chelseagirl



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: F/F, F/M, Misses Clause Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 06:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8880031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelseagirl/pseuds/chelseagirl
Summary: Donna Clark is devastated by Cameron's rejection; on her way to and from CERN, she passes through the stages of grief.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arbitrarily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arbitrarily/gifts).



San Francisco to New York, New York to London, and finally London to Geneva. Surely they could have booked me with fewer stopovers, Donna thought, but then, such is last-minute travel. Last minute travel with a broken heart, and not because Gordon was going to go along with it. She’d expect nothing more from Joe, and she’d been perfectly willing to shut him out because she knew he’d do the same to her. But Gordon, the man with whom she’d shared a life for so long, with whom she would still be connected at least as long as their daughters were minors and shared custody would not them part, Gordon hadn’t come after her either.

Why should she have expected anything more? He hadn’t been willing to fight to keep the marriage, so why would he fight to keep her on the team? Gordon was weak. Or, if that wasn’t quite fair, it was what helped her to make sense of things.

But still, it wasn’t Gordon who’d broken her heart. It was Cam. Cameron, who’d inspired her, Cameron, who’d challenged her to come out of her safe bubble and imagine a place where the pure joy of their technological imagination was creating things that were strange and new and wonderful.

Cameron, who’d cut her out of the project she’d spearheaded, kicked her off of the team she’d pulled back together because, despite everything they’d been through, they were still the ones whose minds, and instincts, and spirit she trusted the most.

So, she was off to CERN to cut her own deal.

**San Francisco to New York: Denial**

“Working with you was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

That’s what she’d said. And for Donna, that was more than true. In college, when she and Gordon spent their nights in the labs, not speaking or touching sometimes for hours on end, but sharing something through their shared process of programming, creating, inventing, she thought that she’d never been so close to anyone. They were almost a unit.

And then they’d gotten married, and moved to Texas, to be close to her parents. They’d taken jobs with so much promise: Cardiff Electronics for him, Texas Instruments for her. And they’d both found themselves ground down, Symphonic a failure, jobs dead-ending. There were the girls, and that was the bright spot for them both, but it wasn’t enough. What everyone wanted for them, what she was supposed to want.

And then there was Cameron, who so clearly didn’t care about what anyone thought of her. She disregarded conventions, sometimes ignored hygiene, almost always manners. And yet she was mesmerizing in her intensity, in her sureness, in the magic her coding could create. No wonder Joe, Tom, everyone fell in love with her. Donna was electrified. Joining Mutiny, those early years, it was the most alive she’d felt in years.

And Donna could not, would not believe it was over. If she could cut a deal with CERN, maybe she could get everyone back on board with her. Maybe Gordon . . . maybe Cameron . . .

**New York to London: Anger**

And how could Cameron choose Joe over Donna? Joe brought destruction in his wake. Joe torched everything that he began.

But Cameron and Joe had been lovers; from his taunting of Tom the other day, it sounded like they had been again, and recently. And Cameron was acting like a silly little girl. Cameron, who she’d thought so much better than that. Cameron, whom she’d only wanted to protect. She only wanted her to feel safe, and to be comfortable.

Goddamn her, anyway.

And goddamn Gordon.

Joe, she didn’t care enough about to feel anger towards, not anymore.

**London to Geneva: Bargaining**

But maybe, just maybe. The meetings she had at CERN over the next couple of days could change everything. If she could get them onboard, she could turn around and present it to Gordon and Cameron. Maybe they’d see the advantage. Maybe they’d understand how much better it would be to work together, to collaborate, to reunite.

Maybe she’d see, they’d see, how much Donna cared, how much better they were together.

**Geneva to Toronto: Depression**

Things couldn’t have gone better at CERN. She’d locked in the best research, put together a team, and they were ready to go. So why did she feel so low?

Because she wanted to be with Cameron, with Gordon. She wanted them to look on her as a partner. She wanted them to care about her again, to accept her again.

That’s all she’d ever wanted. 

Instead, she’d lost them both. Instead, she’d be the bad guy, the one whose attorneys would be sending cease-and-desist demands.

Instead, she’d be alone, in her fancy office, with her partners and her clients, but without the people she really cared about.

**Toronto to San Francisco: Acceptance**

But Cameron had rejected her, and Gordon had accepted that. So screw them. This time she’d take Joe’s place, and be the one who blew things up for them. They deserved it.

She found herself thinking of a song that was popular when she was younger. _No one knows what it’s like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes. No one knows what it’s like, to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies._

Was she casting herself as the bad guy? No, it was just business. Gordon would still be the father of her children; the girls would benefit either way. He wouldn’t hate her, not in the end.

Cameron might, but that was her choice. As the girls said when they were younger, she started it. What choice had she left Donna, really?

And of course Donna would defend her rights – the firm would expect it. But she’d give the mutineers – it might not be Mutiny anymore, but Cameron’s discarding of her felt very much like a real mutiny -- she’d give them a chance, more than one, to come on board.

They’d made their beds, and they’d have to lie in them. Even if she wished otherwise.

Wished it more than anything.

**In My End is My Beginning**

Five years had passed. Gordon had remarried; he’d forgiven her, of course, and she’d forgiven him. They’d both given the girls so much, and it’s not like the trio’s project hadn’t flourished. They’d found a way to work within the system that Donna’s collaborators at CERN and her collaborators in Silicon Valley had established. She and Gordon were friends of a sort; she occasionally had dinner with him and his new wife, sometimes with someone of her own in tow. But there was no someone at the moment.

Cam and Tom were over; Cam and Joe had come together and split apart more than once; currently, he was living with a younger male architect, but Gordon seemed to think that was ultimately as doomed as the cardiologist (female) and the chef (male) had been. Gordon was oddly romantic about his business partners, despite everything. Neither of them had spoken to her in years, in spite of several attempts at reconciliation on her part. She’d come to accept it.

So finding that she and Cameron were both being given awards at the same event was awkward, but it wasn’t as though there were so many women in Silicon Valley to get these Women in Tech awards. The wonder is that it hadn’t happened sooner.

They were seated at opposite ends of the dais, with the officers of the organization between them. Each clapped politely for the other. They might have escaped having to speak at all, and Donna was almost relieved. Almost.

She was surprised, then, that she found Cameron standing by the sink, pretending to pay attention to her hair (never a very convincing move on her part) as she exited a ladies’ room stall. Almost as though she’d followed her in. Almost as though she was looking for a chance to talk.

“Hey,” said the younger woman, without smiling.

“Hey,” said Donna in reply, carefully schooling herself to show no emotions.

“Congratulations.” Cameron’s hair was blonde again, but still neatly pulled back, as it had been when she returned from Japan.

“Same.” Donna reapplied her lipstick, trying not to let her hands tremble.

“Maybe,” said Cameron, “we don’t have to be strangers anymore?”

“I never wanted that.”

“I did. But I think I understand a little better now.”

“I know I seemed . . . “

“You did.”

“I felt protective of you. I know you saw it as ruthlessness, but never towards you.”

“I thought that’s what it was. I’m not sure now.”

Donna’s eyes narrowed. “Something you’re not saying?”

Cameron suddenly looked away. “Rumors. About you and . . . “

“That since Gordon, I’ve mostly been with women?”

The lack of eye contact continued. “Yes.”

“And you want to know if I acted the way I did because . . .”

“Are you? Are you in love with me? Is that what all this has been about?”

Donna took a breath. “Maybe. I didn’t know it at the time, but I think so.”

A long pause. “That . . . makes so much sense.” Now Cameron looked her straight in the eye. “Thank you.” And she turned to walk away.

“See you in another five years?” Donna called after her.

Cameron turned quickly back. “Or maybe Saturday night?” And for the first time, she smiled. “Because I was, too. I loved working with you because I loved being with you. That’s why I felt so betrayed.” She turned again, but called over her shoulder. “Saturday. We’ll figure it out.”

And for the first time in a very long time, Donna had no idea what to think. But for the first time in a long time, also, she was suddenly, deliriously happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so excited to get this assignment, and I decided to wait to watch the last two episodes until I'd have time to write the story, which I originally imagined going very differently. Finally, I settled down to watch and take notes for a story . . . and the last few minutes blew all of my ideas out of the water. 
> 
> I came close to attempting your Mr. Robot prompt instead, but I'm just at the beginning of season 2 with that. So I came back to the reasons I was finding writing about Cameron and Donna so difficult, and faced them head on. I hope that it worked, and I really hope you enjoy your Yuletide story! If we weren't getting a fourth season, this is what my headcanon would be.


End file.
